Sorry, star-gazing Oklahoma City residents who might have seen a link circling the social media drain Thursday from some dumb website called the McKenzie Post.
Scarlett Johansson is not moving to OKC.
The McKenzie Post “contact us” page features only an admin email (no names) and this “about” explanation: “The McKenzie Post is the premiere fantasy news site in the world! All news articles on mckenziepost.com are satire or pure fantasy.”
Welp, you got us, you click-baiting, terrible-writing, pathetically banal sons of bitches. You fabricated something fantastical, published it on a site with a hidden disclaimer and tricked a lot of us Okies into splattering it on our Facebooks.
You’ve surely made momma proud.
In addition, you’ve made a lot of people pointlessly giddy, and you’ve created some ridiculous arguments in your fantasy piece’s Facebook comments.
First up was Krista Lancaster of Oklahoma City who took umbrage with the fake report’s characterization of her home city’s scenery as “beautiful.”
Ernie Mathews was having none of it! Then Krista was all like, “Yo, STEP OFF, man. We’re on the same side here, and that side is getting duped by shady Internet shysters!”
Then Mike Dolinar flashed his Oklahoma pride by piggy-backing on some of KFOR’s most successful branding.
Lo’ and behold, Channel 4’s Galen Culver was lurking around, ready to note that Mike had used his tagline. Perhaps the McKenzie Post can do an in-depth piece about Culver having a Google alert set up for the phrase, “Is this a great state or what?”
Next, realtor Tim Rasmussen is apparently the sort of guy who never sees a (fake) story he can’t try to get business out of.
Good luck selling Scarlett Johansson that $1 million house of yours, Robin Troy-Mass.
Last (at least for the moment), Stillwater resident Levi Ferrell offered to host Ms. Johansson at his place. Well dadgum, that’s some fine Oklahoma hospitality right there.
In the end, Oklahoma City still has as many movie-star residents as it did before lunch time, but the McKenzie Post has a hell of a lot more clicks.
Sadly, that’s the name of the Internet game these days. Don’t spend your $0.85 of Google ad revenue all in the same place, McKenzie.
You might want to save a little of that jingle in your pocket for Tila Tequila’s move to Tishomingo next month.