To the editors:
This just in: American scribes cornered Jesus leaving a seminar on a mount and badgered him about his view on the right to bear arms.
“Personally, I’ve never carried a sword and never will. My friends who carry swords once tried to use them to defend me and I said, ‘Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Put those damn things down!’
“It’s true that I also told my friends, before all that happened, to sell their stuff and buy swords. Hey, I know that sounds contradictory, but give me some slack on this. As part of my physical time here on earth, I had to fulfill some Old Testament prophecy about the Messiah. Let me explain.
“I told my friends right after I told them to score some swords that, ‘It is written: And he (the Messiah) was numbered with the transgressors,’ and that this prophecy must be fulfilled through – you guessed it – Me.
“I needed to be around bad guys – in my particular case, brigands – when the Romans showed up. When My friends told Me, ‘Hey, we’ve got two swords right here, dude!’ I said ‘Jeez, seriously? That’s plenty. Just stop there.’ (Even I didn’t prophesy that!)
“In a nutshell, guys with swords are not good guys. Go back and read that whole passage again, my friends.
“Bottom line? The only protection people need is faith in Me. I hope people don’t go off trying to save their bodies only to lose their souls. I’ve talked about that before, too.
“You’ve got ears, so please try one more time to open up those cauliflowers and hear. Was ‘turn the other cheek’ not clear enough? How about ‘do not resist an evil person’ who wants to whoop up on you? Friends, salvation doesn’t happen by the world’s rules. It happens by Mine.
“For those who may now wonder if they’ve been listening for way too long to charlatans who don’t really know squat about Me, let’s talk about the poor … ”
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