If your Christmas tree is lacking its requisite “tacky” this winter, POTUS-elect Donald Trump has you covered with the $149 ornament he is hocking online.
While any $149 ornament should probably come with a one-month supply of Blue Cross Blue Shield high-deductible health insurance, Trump’s miniature Make America Great Again hat features enough glitz and sparkle to appeal to any modern Ma Kettle With a Boob Job.
“Made of brass and finished in 24 karat gold, this ornament is sure to make any tree stand out,” Trump’s sales site proclaims.
That’s a solid financial investment, assuming the ornament weighs 116 lbs.
According to ScrapMonster.com, the price of brass is hovering around $1.28/lb nationally, though anyone with 24 karats of gumption knows MetalCheck and Integrity Metal Recycling pay different rates any given day.
Nominations? Nah, gear
Just how much gumption The Donald will show as leader of the free world remains to be seen, though as he famously said, he could probably stand in the middle of New York’s Fifth Avenue and shoot someone without losing support.
So far, Trump has named Steve Bannon as White House strategist (despite dubious claims that the former Breitbart editor is anti-Semitic), planned to nominate Sen. Jeff Sessions for attorney general (despite his reported history of opposing civil rights advocates) and planned to nominate Betsy DeVos as secretary of education (despite mostly accurate claims that she has no background in education).
But Trump — unless potential recounts in Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania show massive voter fraud — will have four years of actual governing ahead of him, so why focus on that now when the business mogul has gear to sell?
$0.35 worth of brass
On Black Friday, in fact, Trump emailed out that everything in his online store (including the $149 ornament) could be purchased for 30 percent off.
Turns out, that was a good deal, shoppers, as the ornament would have only been $104.30 that day. Meanwhile, the same ornament is available on Amazon.com, where reviewers have gone wild, and the price has jumped to at least $210 a pop.
Back on Trump’s site, you can also find a $35 T-shirt and a $25 tumbler (straw included).
If Trump can take office and boost the American economy by flooding markets with presumably made-in-the-USA merchandise, perhaps he really will make America great again.
Until then, if you’ve got an extra $149 lying around and a liberal friend you’d like to torture, you know what to do.
Send your loved ones $0.35 worth of brass this holiday season.