Association of Mature American Citizens
The Association of Mature American Citizens purports to offer a conservative alternative to the AARP. (Screenshot)

Good grief. Geezerdom has been politicized!

A recent delivery of snail mail contained a letter from some lady associated with an outfit calling itself AMAC, which stands for Association of Mature American citizens, a “conservative alternative to the liberal AARP.”

Four pages of fascinating stuff follow. I was informed that the AARP had contributed to the political campaigns of liberal politicians (Biden, Warren, Sanders) and supported “Obamacare.” I was then asked a question: “Did you notice the AARP’s deafening SILENCE while your sacred vote was threatened with one voting irregularity after another — including questionable voting practices in nursing homes?”

And thus the beans are spilled.

Thwart Democrats and get a flashlight

Excitingly, I have been offered a free trial membership in AMAC, which means, among other things, receiving the bi-monthly AMAC Magazine, described as “the fastest growing political magazine in the nation focused on faith, family and freedom.”

Naturally, I’d want that publication, as it is “filled with real news about our American values, the economy, freedom of speech and religion, respect for law and order, the sanctity of life, and all the issues that matter … in our fight to save the country we love.”

The lady who signed the letter claims that AMAC has “2.4 million other members” but is shooting for 3 million. If I join, I’d get either a teensy flashlight on a keychain or a sawed-off version of a Swiss Army knife, depending on whether I join for one trip around the sun ($16) or sign on for three years ($59.95).

Or I could join for life. That costs only $500. If you have one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel, that’s no bargain — but maybe you’d get the flashlight and the little knife.

Democrats, the missive informs me, are a mob with “allies” in AARP, and I should help thwart them by joining, because “America’s heritage and founding principles — including the integrity of our elections — are in danger like never before.” I mean, just think of my “conservative values.”

Thoughtfully, there was a trial membership card enclosed with part of my name and a 12-digit member identification number. The “free” trial would end in about a month, so I better get cracking if I want to oppose AARP and its “socialist schemes.”

Oh, my weary posterior.

Association of Mature American Citizens
Want a keychain flashlight and a five-function pocket knife? Join the Association of Mature American Citizens today. (NonDoc)

More Trumpian baloney

And at last, the payoff: the Association of Mature American Citizens will “make this country great again” for us old coots.

So, it’s just more Trumpian baloney (or bologna, if you prefer), pushing what is known nowadays as the Big Lie.

Well, all of that warrants a response, and here it is: Phooey. Hogwash. Flapdoodle. Nonsense. Crapola.

This letter from the Association of Mature American Citizens arrived on the same day as the latest copy of AARP’s magazine, ironically, which contained articles on Jackson Browne, Michael Douglas, video games, how to maintain your retirement savings, an 80-year-old volunteer fireman, how to tell whether the pandemic quarantine affected one’s physical and mental health and a birthday tribute to Idina Menzel.

The closest thing to political commentary was the editor’s column about how people should appreciate the Asian American and Pacific Islander communities instead of blaming their members for COVID-19 and punching them in the face.

Anyhow, I don’t need to join AMAC. If I want to indulge in right-wing garbage, I have plenty of options here in Oklahoma.

(Please note: I have no wing’s, neither right nor left. I am a helicopter pilot, damnit.)