I was born into an OU family. My soul is steeped in Crimson and Cream. Once, I taught a class of oblivious South Carolinian children how to turn their hands in such a way as to disrespect the University of Texas mascot. I even proudly work as adjunct faculty for my beloved Sooners, teaching art history.
So, when I say the following, I say it with the tough love of a hard-boiled farmer scolding his young son for playin’ too close to the crick: What in the literal hell is going on with this OU football promo picture?
The top half is passable, although whoever designed this poster/image has hidden some faces with other faces. Some players are wearing helmets (is that a freshman??). Charles Tapper is the only one allowed to wear red pants. Meanwhile, they have deployed a quaint sunburst in the cosmos above, a background that gives new meaning to the brand AstroTurf. Still, the upper composition is decent, and they mercifully avoided Bleeding Cowboy font.
But the true abomination here is in the lower half of the image, which evidences an utter lack of regard for the players’ most valuable assets: their feet.
It’s a podiatrist’s nightmare! Nick Hodgson, too intent on taunting us with his awesome OU-emblazoned football, casually crushes Tapper’s left foot (perhaps jealous of his pants-freedom?), while Antoine Stephens defiantly plants his heel spikes into some huge dude’s toes. That’s gotta hurt, I don’t care how big you are.
Its a foot massacre all over, but nowhere like the very middle, where a determined-but-sportsmanlike No. 50-something has straddled the centerline like some colossal graven image, hellbent on ruining the seasons of the players flanking his mighty haunches.
Why not just put them all on skateboards in front of a graffiti’d brick wall and disregard the rules of physics altogether? Would you have chiseled a glorious statue of David only to just, kind of, leave his feet as squared blocks? ‘Cause who looks at feet anyway?
All I’m saying is that the team I have defended and adored for 30-ish years should consider my feelings when creating such graphics for the season.
I will give you another chance, OU, because I believe in you, and I know what you are capable of. So get it together, graphics department. Do it for me.
Mrs. Brian Bosworth.