Melania Trump

I wish Melania Trump would stop sending me letters. It’s bad enough that she has been asking for money, but it’s worse that she wants more.

The money Melania Trump asks for would go to the Republican Party. I am not a Republican.

Neither am I a Democrat or Libertarian. I am registered “No Party” in Oklahoma. Not much of a joiner, I guess, although I was once, briefly, a Cub Scout.

So, why did the FLOTUS send me all these letters prior to the Nov. 6 election? I’d call it phishing by mail, as in, “Hey, there may be some moron out there who’ll send us money to support OUR moron and all his stooges in Congress.”

More troubling is what else FLOTUS would like from me. She wants me to sign a document wherein I pledge my loyalty to her hubby and my support for his policies.

What policies? The ones that call for sucking up to Vlad the Putin and Little Rocket Man? The ones that advocate giving the one-finger salute to our friends and allies in both hemispheres? The ones giving tax breaks to rich people, a group to which I do not belong?

Come on, lady. You possess the judgment of a nematode, riding around Kenya wearing a pith helmet, going to visit imprisoned Latino children (another “policy”) in a jacket emblazoned with the words “I really don’t care, do u?,” and then complaining that we ordinary folk should, in your words, “focus on what I do, not what I wear.”

OK, what do you do, besides going to places (e.g., countries your hubby has branded “shitholes”) that POTUS won’t go, and spearheading a campaign against the kind of cyberbullying at which your hubby excels and from which he cannot refrain?

I should be loyal to a demonstrable liar and cheat and give financial support to a bunch of spineless politicians who represent little more than their crass desires to remain in office?

In short, FLOTUS, get real.

Oh, excuse me. You can’t do that, can you? For so, so many reasons, you can’t do that.

The only thing that depresses me more right now is the thought that in the next couple of days the U.S. Postal Service letter carrier might bring me some phish mail from Kanye West.