(Mike Allen)

It’s true, I’ve heard these jokes equating the Super Mario Brothers character Toad with a penis. I’ve heard them since I was very young, but now someone has made them in a very public way about a very public figure — President Donald Trump.

Let’s nerd out for a moment, shall we? If you’ve never played a Mario Kart game, there is a function in the game where the CPU is sort of forced to be competitive with the player called “rubber banding.” No matter how well you play, the artificial intelligence players will catch up and give you all sorts of trouble.

Which brings me to Toad.

Toad is by far the most annoying character to have clashing with you for first place. His dumb laugh, his infuriating one-liners, and of course his quote when he wins — “I’m the best!” (which is a funny coincidence in this whole scenario). The string of profanities I used to utter at this character would be fit for a Scorsese movie. With all of the weird and humorous stories coming out Stormy Daniels’ statements, maybe a gritty Toad movie isn’t so far-fetched.

— Mike Allen

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